He is colloquially called an indifferent person and a pessimist. He understands and lives in a world much deeper than that of other people. Melancholics tend to take literally the reality around them and incredible perfectionism. However, they often choose to isolate themselves from others because they find it difficult to overcome their shyness. Who is a melancholic? What are his strengths? How do you live with that?
One of the four types of temperament is the detached, analytical, compassionate, introverted temperament. The sanguine speaks, gestures and attracts all the attention. Choleric acts instantly and impulsively expresses his emotions. The phlegmatic looks and observes. What does a melancholic do at this time? He asks questions, plans in advance, creates graphs and thinks the melancholic has an analytical mind. He is a thinker, an introvert who speaks little, but spins great metaphysical digressions in his head. He asks questions, searches for the deep meaning of things, himself, history and the world. His thoughts focus more on eternity than on mortality.
Unlike the sanguine and choleric, a person with a melancholic personality type slowly adopts external impressions. His reaction is not immediate. The melancholic temperament is passive, reserved, outwardly calm and focused. This is someone who does not show in facial expressions his reaction to what they were told or shown. And although he will not react immediately, he will remember everything perfectly. If he always shows great love, he will love for life. When someone insults him, slanders him once, twice or three times, he will not care. But when he experiences it constantly, he will hate and ignore you forever. Underneath this restraint and calmness of the melancholic lies a great sensitivity and a big heart. That is why he loves truth, goodness, beauty and intellect. His sensitivity often leads him to nostalgia, sadness, and humility in the face of the imperfections and injustices of the world.
A melancholic doesn’t like crowds. He prefers silence and solitude. When he’s with other people, he only hears half of what they say because he focuses on his own thoughts. He is shy and doubts himself. It’s hard for him to accept compliments aimed at him. “Do you really like my hair color?”, “You say this only to please me”, “It’s impossible how you can admire me for this” – these words are often uttered by a melancholic. They are accompanied by a negative image of himself, and therefore, he tends to utter such beliefs as: “I knew from the very beginning that I would not succeed”, “I was unlucky. Everything I do is in vain!”, “I knew I couldn’t dress well.” He is convinced that people feel sorry for him and consider him a failure.
Features of a melancholic – what characteristic features does a melancholic have?
Melancholics tend to be introverts. This, however, does not prevent the identification of their negative and positive qualities.
Melancholic facial features
The weaknesses of the melancholic are:
- Fragility and great, deep sensitivity.
- Susceptibility to frustration, sadness and depression.
- Pessimistic thinking: the glass will always be half empty, not full.
- Suppressing emotions, struggling one-on-one with your own pain.
- Excessive appeal to yourself.
- His inherent pride compels him to set himself as a point of reference and to measure others in relation to his high and broad perception of reality.
- A selfish approach to the world and people, which is manifested by emotional blackmail in the style of “no one understands me.”
- Shyness is often withdrawn from conversations and group activities.
- Focus on your loneliness.
- The ease of finding excuses when something doesn’t want to do, such as headache, fatigue, anxiety, problems at work, etc.
- Lack of courage and flexibility.
- Instilling pity and, even worse, guilt to others.
- Restraint in expressing feelings.
- Lack of enthusiasm and joy of life.
Of course, when it comes to the extreme shortcomings of a melancholic or weaknesses, we are talking about someone who is guided only by his own instincts and does not try to correct his bad inclinations.
The strengths, the advantages of melancholic are:
What is the potential of melancholicism? What can we admire him for? Here are the highlights:
- analytical mind: anticipating problems that may arise;
- sensitivity to human harm and evil;
- lack of acceptance of superficiality: digging into the essence of things;
- dedication and perseverance on the way to achieving the goal;
- the ability to concentrate on a given task;
- rich imagination;
- high intelligence;
- speed of knowledge acquisition;
- good organization;
- high qualification.
The Perfect Melancholic – An Organization under Control
A melancholic is someone who attaches great importance to details and tries to correct their mistakes in the pursuit of perfection. If he holds the position of boss, manager or leader, he will try to improve others. Not because he wants to prove ignorance to them, but because he has a real love for the ideal. A melancholic gives a lot of warnings, but he doesn’t do it to annoy anyone. His desire is for everyone to make the best use of their own abilities. Talent, creativity and genius make him a successful person. It is methodical, organized and works thoughtfully. He tries to avoid disasters, failures and tries to strive for perfection in everything.
She hates clutter, always cleans up after herself. He is usually well dressed and neat. He appreciates order both in himself and around him. For example, at home, he immediately washes the dishes behind him and would like others to do the same. He doesn’t hesitate to insist that someone who has more experience in the kitchen take care of cooking dinner. This is someone who never puts a used roll of toilet paper on a shelf, but immediately throws it into a suitable container. This is the one who will use scissors, not teeth, to open the package. This is a man who has order in his closets and drawers. His clothes are carefully folded and sorted. It is such a small activity that determines his perfectionism, which manifests itself not only in adults, but also in children. In this case, the toys will always be put in place, and during the game the activity of concentration and logical thinking will prevail.
Melancholic – what problems does he have to face?
Melancholics are afraid of being exposed. When their invisible cover is removed, they suddenly find themselves in the spotlight and don’t like it at all. When the pressure becomes too great, they recede because they prefer to go unnoticed. Sometimes it is difficult for them to cope with the unexpected and therefore they can give the impression of people devoid of spontaneity and joy. Because they want to be orderly and prepared for any circumstance, they feel the need to understand and question everything. This may result in the actual blocking of troubleshooting. In addition, they tend to avoid conflict. They believe that you should not bother with confrontation, avoid unrest, quarrels. They don’t want to be ashamed of their ignorance or embarrass anyone when they know more. This can lead to an inability to resolve the necessary conflicts. Since a melancholic needs peace in his work and is focused on success, he may seem impersonal.
Sometimes they expect too much from each other, and at the same time do not say directly what they think. Fear of doing something bad is usually more than justifiable risk. In addition, they are perceived by others as not very emotional. Depending on the temperament of the partner, this can be interpreted as indifference or emotional coldness. They may not see the problem themselves, but such behavior generates misunderstandings in the relationship, especially if the other party expects acts of sympathy or recognition and manifestation of affection. Melancholics want to understand the world and act or speak only when they have enough information. They value independence and intelligence, and at work they are very organized and orderly. They focus on the task at hand and follow the right processes. They love order and accuracy, which in the case of cooperation or living with chaotic people can give rise to conflicts. They always try to be prepared, respect the trust placed in them, and remain trustworthy in what they do. As friends and life partners, they are loyal and consistent in their promises. Sometimes this leads to gullibility and a high risk of injury.
How to live with a melancholic?
In a relationship with a melancholic, it is necessary to remember that these are very sensitive people and they can easily be confused. After all, they can also enjoy the little things, especially when it is a small gesture of kindness directly from the heart from people close to them. On the one hand, they are characterized by their fragility, on the other – strength. Remember, too, that melancholics can be pessimistic in nature. They easily fall into sadness and depressive moods. You need to know how to deal with their temporary breakdown. It’s not enough to say “head up” and pat you on the back. You have to take care of someone’s problem, take the time to overcome it, and let it open up.
How to deal with melancholic?
- Show him a real interest in him and listen carefully to his problems.
- Always take him seriously, because as ridiculous as the anxiety is, he is the cause of real difficulties and it is very serious for him at the moment.
- Bet on honesty, don’t try to manipulate it.
- Praise him if you really feel he deserves it.
- Respect his need for peace and quiet.
- Let him relax alone and spend time the way he likes.
- Also respect his need for punctuality, acting according to the established method and planning.
- If you have a boss or colleague with a large dose of a melancholic temperament, you need to stick to a set schedule.
- Don’t underestimate his passion for order. They’re perfectionists who love order.
- Show that you need such a person with you. He has a big heart that opens when asked for help. You have to give him a reason to extrovert.
Do not be afraid to ask him for support, because thanks to this he overcomes his fears.
Melancholic in contact with other people
Melancholics don’t like superficial relationships. Because it’s hard for them to make friends, they highly value the loved ones they already have. Their goal is to build and maintain deep relationships for life. True friendship, love – that’s what matters. In relations with loved ones, he gives all his strength. You can always rely on it, and it doesn’t matter if something good or bad happens. He is a friend who accompanies you during medical visits, who hides your innermost secrets, is an excellent listener and advisor. He tries to understand all his friends, and at the same time he is very perceptive and sensitive. That is why it is worth having friends among melancholics.
He has analytical skills and approaches the subject reasonably. A melancholic has a great sense of justice, especially when it comes to a holistic view of the subject. His calmness, which can even be understood as an emotional chill when it comes to taking sides, accompanies effective conflict resolution. Such a person is a treasure if you need advice, for example, on a new project or opening a business. He will carefully study the data, the circumstances and see if it is really profitable. Also, he’s very understanding if you’re running late or need to cancel an appointment.
A relationship with a melancholic can be difficult for people who are seeking attention, adoration, or a public display of affection. Contrary to his appearance, in relationships he is attentive and kind, very loyal. However, the great difficulty is to win his interest and make him gain a sense of security and trust. A melancholic can be skittish, and living together with his soul mate can be a challenge for him, because the basis of a successful relationship is dialogue and clarity of expression of feelings. It’s best not to press and let him act at his own pace.
Interestingly, melancholics are often combined with sanguine. Their relationship is based on the principle of complementarity, not similarity. Intelligence and an analytical approach to the topic of melancholic impress the sanguine, which is more superficial. In turn, a melancholic usually has difficulty finding himself in society, he can be closed in himself and pessimistic, so he looks with admiration at the charisma and optimism of the life of a sanguine.
I’m a melancholic – what can I do?
Just because aspects of melancholy are clearly evident in your life is not a sign of shame or sadness. However, you need to focus on working on your weaknesses. Those with a melancholic temperament want everything to be predictable and planned. These qualities of a calm melancholic are certainly good when approached with common sense, but if it doesn’t work, they can lure you into the clutches of suffering and anxiety. This pessimism makes itself felt, especially when things don’t go the way you planned. Therefore, to solve this problem, focus on the present. Also, have more trust in others. When you’re a pessimist by nature, you need to listen to the point of view of someone like a sanguine who approaches life with optimism.
What else can you do for yourself when you’re melancholic?
- Reduce your value scale: You don’t have to do everything perfectly.
- Be content with imperfections. Every person is unique, but no one is perfect.
- Remember that the best is often the enemy of the good.
- Set realistic goals that won’t lead you to disappointment and sadness.
- Do what you like: leisure, art, sports, reading, etc.
- Take care of your relationship. Cultivating close relationships gives a lot of joy from everyday life.
- Have a positive attitude. When you hear your name, don’t think that someone wants to criticize or ridicule you.
- Learn to laugh at yourself because it’s the perfect antidote to your sadness.
- Show your innate sensitivity: Show compassion and understanding to others.
- Don’t judge someone you don’t know.
- Avoid false humility.
- Don’t tell yourself or others that you’re ugly, stupid, bad at everything, terrible. That’s not true, and you know it very well.
- Don’t try to get the attention of others by complaining about the evil of this world.
If you can not cope with your emotions on your own, seek help from friends, relatives, loved ones. This can give you the strength to improve your well-being. But if it still doesn’t bring you peace of mind and you still can’t handle your daily life, seek professional help. Take advantage of therapy with a psychologist who understands different personality types and will provide you with the support and professional help you need.